Just did time in Siberia

After so long, tonight my mind has decided to play some game with my heart. I started to feel that I am getting tired of everything I have done so far. Being appreciated or not, I’m unsure. I don’t know why, I just feel like walking away. Just walk away from everything here but that would be equivalent to running away from facts. I realize that everything I do is the benefit of the other party otherwise, anything that I am doing right now is for somebody else. I need to put up with a lot of things. Maybe I am the one to blame because I led them to have high expectations from me but in the end I can’t deliver and make them frustrated or disappointed so I end up pressuring myself even more. The ones that I love, both my parents and my girlfriend. My goal is to provide them with all that I can, to give them my all and to sacrifice what I have to just to give them a better life. I really want to do so but that doesn’t mean I can do it. My job, I have totally no idea what my boss wants. it is just so hard to catch what she has in mind. I don’t even know what is my job scope. As I can see it, my job is doing everything for her except cleaning her house. Be it I done well or not, it’s just about the same. Sometimes, I really don’t know whether to praise my boss or to curse. Not to say she doesn’t appreciate my work, but boss will always be boss. No point complaining, just carry on and make the best of things. Like I said, for the sake of those that I love, even if it means I have to work at a barn and squeeze milk from a cow, I would do it. 

What I am afraid now is that, I am afraid I will lose my heart, lose my passion and devotion. The support and understanding from all parties differs day to day. Nobody likes to say good things about another person. That is practically human nature. I just need to stay strong and focus. I have trained myself to be iron man. I have trained myself to be strong. I hope in the end I’m not blame as everything happens for a reason. it’s due to part and parcels of life which make an individual turn into another person. People grow. As for me, I grow older, grow more mature, grow much wiser. My priority in life has changed. I see things much differently than before. I am shock that I have changed but yet, I’m thankful. People change for the better and not worst.

Nevertheless to say, I am glad and I am thankful and I am blessed for all that I have now. I have parents who will love me to the very end, and will always be there behind my back no matter what. I have a girlfriend who is understanding and supportive (although quite naughty sometimes but acceptable) and always so loving. I have a job which promises quite a good future. What more can a 24 years old ask for?