Just did time in Siberia

It feels great to be back. It’s been so long since I last expressed myself to the whole world of people whom I know and those who are complete strangers. Anyhow, it is always great to be typing a blog again because blogging is my next best friend when I have no one to listen to all my stupid little nonsense and whatever I have in mind. People may get bored of listening but reading, hmm, those whom does not take any interest at all wouldn’t be reading right now would they? Oh gosh, how my life have turn around ever since I came to KL. Things that I didn’t expect happened and a lot has changed, even myself.

I guess most people know that I am married. Yes, married to a girl and has a kid(dog). Well, think again, I WAS married. Now I am not. I guess there are a lot of “WHY” popping around but hey, people do change and I guess I wasn’t that ready to commit. Come on, divorce is such a common thing right now. Guess what is the best part? The best part is that I do not have to pay any lawyer fees, no compensation but the only thing is that I have to give her my assets. It was a mutual understanding and there is a price to pay for breaking a girl’s heart. Who say marriage was easy huh? I am part of that experience too now.

Back in those days when, “I love you, you love me” meant so much and now they just dissolve into the midst of air without anyone knowing what has actually happened. July 13th 2007, well it was a beautiful day whereby I got into a relationship with my ex-wife. We got off quite a good start and we decided to live together pretty quickly. After dating for 4 months, we live under the same roof, trying to adapt to each other’s way of living, and we got a dog together and start discussing how are we going to lead our life in the future. Soon after, we’ve dated for a year, we start to realize that we’re always arguing over matters that cannot be solved. I am a person who heads for career first whereas for her, it’s always love at the top of the list. So, one day, I decided that we should get married because I intend to move to KL to head for my career there. It all went according as planned. We had a beautiful wedding with all my close friends. 3 days later, I moved to KL and so it starts, distant relationship.

I came over to KL, I partied hard and partied even harder as the days goes. I kept partying so much that I neglected my wife who is at home waiting for my call and messages every day and every night. I started to turn wild. It was like I’ve never been out of Penang my whole life and now that I’m in KL, I turn into this party animal that was not actually seen alive before. The thing is, I’ve not go into a club without a date. I always went with a girl. Yup, I know that is a terrible mistake and what a huge wrong doing behind my newly wedded wife. Yeah, I know. I’m a bad-ass, have been a bad-ass and will always be a bad-ass.

All this while, I have always thought I would know how to control my feelings well. I have always thought I would know when I should hit the breaks and do the right thing. After 5 years, keeping my heart away from open risks, today..I finally let go of the shield and decide to take whatever risk that comes along the way for I have fallen in love with someone whose character, attitude and personality in which cannot be found in someone else. The last time I saw this flame was years and years ago. (I make it sound like I’m so old) I finally found her but I’m not sure if I should let myself fall for her as deep as I can go. Even herself, she can’t give a promising answer when she sees me in this sort of dilemma. Even she has no confidence in herself, how could I possibly have that much confidence in her? Well, love has come to conquer and so I let my heart in, confide myself in her and just take whatever risks that comes along the way. Love is like package or a box of chocolate. You’ll never know what you might get.

Well, as when I thought I will not let myself fall deeply in love with someone, I finally did. How did I know that I fell in love in which I didn’t in those 5 years? My answer would be, all these years I have no intention to change nor to discard my bad habits. I club like nobody’s business, I drink like a drunkard who would die if there’s no alcohol for a day in my mouth, I smoke like a bloody bastard who could be a chimney and also, I cheat behind my girlfriend and I am such a player. Today, I decided to make amendments. I decided to club as little as I can or better yet, don’t club anymore unless it’s a special occasion. If there’s no particular evening, or a special celebration of something, I wouldn’t drink without any reasons. Quitting cigarette is an empty promise to anyone on earth but I’m trying to smoke less (hopefully soon enough, non). Last but not least, I have no intentions to play around anymore or to get to know new girls. I know, old habit never dies but when you have the motivation to do something, better do it before it’s too late or when the motivation slips away. I am turning a new leaf people. Ya ya..laugh about it now. People will see. I believe in less talk and more action.

This girl that I have found, she is really something different. She is not like the usual kind in which you can just give a wild guess about her favourite food or what makes her happy. She puts a smile on my face with just a simple look. Within a second, she can decide whether she wants to make my day a happy one or a sad one. She’s a dream. A dream like I never had before. She has what a woman needs to have and plays is all out like a real lady. She’s incredible. Amazing. It’s really amazing how helpless she can make me with her sweet smile or just a simple peck on the cheek. Her ability to make me tremble even on the smallest mistake or just a slip of the tongue. Her way of making friends with all my friends and make me seem rather proud when I hold her hand across a room of people with prejudice in their eyes. She changed my life, she found my heart, she pulls me up when I was down, she knows her man, like only a woman can. She’s perfect, she’s everything I’m not, she’s an angel.

Now, for all the things I have done in my past. I have to live up to it, suck it all in and try real hard to change for the better and to prove to her that I am really different from what I used to be. I am thankful that she gave me that chance to show her what she really means to me and what I would do just for her sake. As we all know, to love someone is to see that person being happy whether or not that person belongs to you or with you. I am not prepared to lose her yet. I don’t want that to happen. I just want to do my best to show the best of me to her and let her see that I am truly a changed person and I am truly in love with her.

p/s: God Bless!

-J Ooi-

Over ten years of friendship and we’re still keeping in touch every now and then..no matter how far or near, i strongly feel that we’ll hold on to something so precious as this until the end of our lives. RIGHT???

Some of us are lovers and friends, some are married with kids, some went overseas and returned, some are lost in some parts of the world, some are scattered here and there and everywhere. But hey, no fear, we have a thing called FRIENDSTER or FACEBOOK to keep us in touch and updated about all our friends. Friendship like this are like being a part of an extended family. No one could have thought we all will still be friends until this very day right??

Well, at this moment as you’re reading this, I hope you will close your eyes and reminize the old times, back in school, back when we were still kids, staying over different friends house, do stupid and crazy and really funny stuff, hahahhaha..makes me wanna laugh out really loud!!! I still have all our pictures in my memory box and everything that went through over the past ten years is still playing in memory land. Forever is a strong word but at times like this, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!

We’ve known each other for ten years and to some it’s more than ten years…don’t you just miss the old times that all of us had shared together??? Anyway, let’s all plan soemthing to celebrate this..I know I know..I did say I want to plan soemthing up but the thing is, it was rather hard because it’s just so hard to synchronize the time to suit everybody.

Just to celebrate and mark 2007 our ten years of friendship, let us all contribute to something as memorable and as precious as this. How about that??? Hope to hear from you guys soon!! With loads and loads and loads of love to all of you..

-JustLake Julz-

Have you ever wonder how long does it take until one learns to let go? To move on? To start new? To give a chance? To do something else? To change? (etc etc etc)

The thing about me is that I take really really long to learn to let go. It’s just so hard to drop something I have hold on for so long. It is not easy and for me, I have always prefer holding on until I really find someone better then I might move on. Sometimes, it’s really weird. Somehow I know there are chances out there for me but I still choose to be with you under any circumstances at all. We went through more than enough to test the results of whether we were meant to be together. I can love you so much that there won’t be any love that could top what I have and can offer to you.

Songs that is showering me with all these thoughts are;

• Heaven by Nu Flavor
• I’m Your Angel by Celine Dion and R.Kelly
• I Can Love You Like That by All for One
• Four Seasons of Loneliness by Boyz II Men
• Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For you by George Benson
• All or Nothing by O-town
• If You Come Back & Guilty by Blue
• If I Let You Go by WestLife
• More Than That & Don’t Wanna Lose You Now by BackStreet Boys
• Say Goodbye by Deborah Gibson and Jordan Knight
• I Finally Found Someone by Bryan Adams and Barbra Streisand
• When You Tell Me That You Love Me by Diana Ross
• Wait For You by Elliot Yamin

How come, how long??? Although to be able to have you back the chances are low because I know I made a lot of mistakes. Too much to calculate nor compare and as bad as it seems, I really don’t want things to go this way. I may not have said "I love you" frequent enough but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten about it or I don’t love you anymore. You just don’t see it do you, just how much you mean to me??? What is meant to be, is meant to be. In the PLU world, it’s pretty hard to accept facts like that but that’s the way it is. Correct..welcome to REAL world people.

Fucking hell!!! My tattoo is giving me the worst itchiness in the world!! Damn!!! OMG!! WTF!!

I am totally classified as a lame person. I lost part of me that I used to have and I have lost the best part of myself. All of a sudden, I couldn’t find my vibe and almost everything..you are the only one that can help me regain all that I have lost. You do know that don’t you?? That is why you’re letting me suffer right now. Yeah..I am really feeling the pain. If only…if only..if only…if only……………..

5 years…give me 5 years..things are going to be different. There might be a handful of you guys looking down on PLU but hey, take a look around..you’re surrounded by us!! I may have lost the fight a couple of rounds but the battle is an experience that I really devour. Please, look upon yourself before you speak of others. Each individual has their own capabilities. You may not give me the chance to prove it to you but I will take my chances and at times, opportunities are self-created. There are always others better than you are, same goes to me. There are always better ones out there but I will fight to be the best.

One word..LOVE says it all. Trust me, it does make a difference. And of course, friends are totally not put away under any circumstances at all!!!

Til then..JustLake Julz signing off.

Previously, I have friends who told me that they would eventually turn PLU for me for they have not seen such a great bf before and also they know how my relationships goes and how I treat my girlfriend. I give nothing but the best to my girlfriend. I may have hurt them a few times but somehow I always make it up to them no matter what. I have relationships that last for years and I have always had the confident of being the best bf any girl could ever have. My toleration level is way beyond limits. My unconditional love is given whole heartedly without wanting anything in return. I would turn down eveything and even 50million worth of cash won’t make me let go of the person I love. Some would most probably say because I’m still young and at the age below 21 (more or less) would give up everything for love and will always say, I will die if I dont have you. I will always be with you..forever and ever. Yeah right..if you say that some time about 35 years ago maybe people will believe you but people are getting wiser nowadays. Everybody’s needs and wants is changing and people are evolving. Oh well..time goes on..what I say here is definitely not generalized to every individual here on earth. If you agree then ok, if you don’t then fine. It’s not a debate here..just an expression.

Before I courted the one I’m with now, all my friends keep telling her that I’m the best anyone could ever had and I convienced her as well that I’ll always place her above anything else. Eventually, I guess I changed into a total different person now. I have disappointed my friends who say good things about me to her and most importantly, I’ve disappointed her. Totally disappointed her. I just don’t know why. I kept doing things which I unintendedly do and make things go wrong and create a whole big pile of mess. It’s funny because I really do love her but somehow things just goes wrong. It may sound very simple here but sometimes simple things are the ones which are complicated. Isn’t it funny?? Stupid it seems…

"What goes around ..comes around"

I feel blur and a little bit lost here. It’s like I feel like taking a left turn but somehow my steering wheel is going towards the right and when I do turn right..I come up to another ‘T’ junction..then gotta think and make decisions again. Lolz..how funny life is when things turn around this way. So..in the end..the conclusion is just..HA!HA!HA!

Eventually, someday people will always think and remember you as someone who made them who they are today. People live by guidelines, advises, experiences and theories and some, philosophy. Ever smile, every tear, every memory reminds someone of someone. Every ounce you make them feel, how you made them feel will always be remembered and as time goes by those feelings can’t be compared nor replaced. At times, all you want is to see them happy and knowing that you’re always ready and always there for them. Some people just cant see that. Don’t you think???

Every episode of an individual’s life is empowered by love. Love is so powerful that all men and women falls into that trap. I’m not stating that love is something that is bad alright. *LOL*

Hmmm…each time when I have a lot of things to say, I tell myself as soon as I get to my computer I’m gonna post a blog..and when i really get to my pc..everything just seems to disappear..idea all gone..so..that is why..it is a phase or just a state of mind during that particular minute or hour??

When you call someone a friend is that person..someone whom you know off? Someone who you just know 2 seconds ago? Someone who just nods their head when they pass by you? Sometimes..i wonder..who and how would you address as friends? I address each and every individual as friends who I know off..who was introduced to me 2 seconds ago and also someone who nods their head when they walk pass me. Is that what you call as.."Hey..I have many friends!!!" ???

I realized..sometimes..you have friends who you thought can be labled as good friends or close friends..a friend you could count on..but sometimes..they just back stab you all the way as though you were given birth without a mother. Hahaha!! Yup..that is how life is. Suckers ain’t it?? You have no problem with them but somehow..they seem to have problems with you. People in this network..if you have friends like those..let me hear you say "Aye!!"..yeah..it’s like preaching in this blog of mine..

I don’t have any point here writing this blog but I just flet a sudden move in my mind to write something like this in here. I have nothing much to say about the progress in my relationship because it’s private when it comes to a certain point and there’s just too much to carry out. Haha!! Oh..I’ve been so into mahjong lately..it’s crazy!!! I’ve been playing mahjong so much that I forgot about time. Hahaha!! Aih…

So how’s life out there for you people?? Me?? Umph..there’s nothing much though..just bouncing here and there and enjoying my life while I still can..It’s just life right?? You only have one chance so why not just grab it and take all risk and chances and opportunity that you have??

Ever thought of how to turn back time? Is that a question that almost every human on earth would love to know? I turned back time before..just that not really..as the matter of fact..I turned back time twice..but in the end..I let time take charge again because no matter what..no one can fight time. Even if you can turn back time..you’ll just change what’s set in the future. Right????

Hmmmm….what should say about the experience working in a club…well..ladies..there are tonnes…liqours…wooo…millions of ounces…getting drunk?????? 100% possibility!!!!!!!!!! It’s quite fun lah…but it’s fucking busy and fucking packed on days that I work..which is just Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays…now that its near Christmas Eve, Christmas..New Year’s eve and New Year’s Day…wow..it’s going to be one exhilirating ride!!!! Everybody’s going to be so passed out drunk and drink til the last drop..the price may vary but it’s all worthwhile cuz it’s the fun that you’re looking forward to enjoy..right??? Hahahaha!!!!!

On the other hand…my wife…sometimes it’s a blessing of GOD for I have her to be with me for all times..through good and bad..but sometimes..she’s really giving me a hard time to know what is going on and what is running through her mind…she can read my mind alright..**i guess so**..anyway..aih..never ending problems if things just carries on this way..hopefully things will get better anyhow and she will be able to know how to set her mind straight..

Alright then..I’ve got to go get bathed..cleanse and off to a busy saturday night at work…wooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-JustLake Julz-

27th October 2006…a night in Flix that was rather crazy and dangerous!!! Hahaha…kesian my wife so boring at the beginning of the night..cuz I was rather busy taking my friends in and stuff like that…but anyway, I would like to thank each and every one of my friend who came that night..from the bottom of my heart..i’m truly grateful..hehe…

Convent Butterworth friends..Ohana Family..my Penang friends..all all all my friends..thank you all so so so much for coming and making my bday party the best I ever had..

But also…so sorry for being drunk one and half hour after the party..haha…well..5 flaming lamborghini..4-5 shots of tequila…3 submarines…gosh..how crazy is that man…hahaha..

A few of my friends dressed up for the party…Dawn..the witch…Niki the vampire..Randall and Real..my friends bf also make up…gosh..it wa one hell of a night man…I would remember it for the rest of my life!!!!

My baby…kesian her nia…so busy taking care of me…thank you baby..hehehe…

I went to glo today and had a blast. It was great and I have never felt this good. But somehow, there will always be someone who will come and crash the beautiful moment you just had. Life’s a bitch so just bear with it..

Hmmh..well..i hardly blog and suddenly I feel so into it. Oh well, sometimes when you feel that there’s no one you can really pick and talk to..you might as well talk to the rest of the people..easier..whoever wants to know about it…will read..who ever doesn’t..then just fuck it lah..simple as that right??

Ex-girlfriends..they are considered as ex-es because you often think of that to a certain point that you really did love them and considered them as part of your life. That is what real ex-gf are called…otherwise they will just be past-time..hahaha..amboi…

I just came back from glo and i may sound drunk..everybody thinks I’m drunk but actually I am not drunk at all..I may just sound drunk..but I don’t care….oh well..

I am bored now..so I am just gonna go check out some stuff over the net and just start surfing away because i have a class in three hours time..so if i go to sleep..i would most probably sleep until the evening comes..lolz..

Good day people!!!!

To those who came and read the blog before this one..thank you very much for your comment and feedback…appreciate them a lot..thank you..

I will definitely be fine. I am not who I used to be edy. I won’t go down on my knees and do all sorta funny funny things.

Life is filled with obstacles and circumstances. i am willing to take that risk and build up whatever that was washed down previously. I’m standing up on both my feet, standing tall, filled with confident and really to booze some of that energy. I am JustLake Julz my buddies!! There’s nothing that I can or cannot do..right??

Oh well..life’s a bitch but we’re living it anyway and after all, I am having the time of my life..I am the party starter and I partay harder!!!

Thanks again one more round to my friends who came and read and gave their feedback. I love you guys loads and to the bones!!! Muaxz!!!